2nd March, 2010 – Question! Do You Burn in Hell if You Don't Like Hymns?
DEAR DIARY, long ago, my mum and dad thought they were doing the righteous thing for my brothers & sisters and me by sending us to church when we were younger. They were inspired by the notion that we needed Jesus in our lives (or so I thought) so they sent us to the local Sunday school. For me, that was the death of my affiliation with organised religion.
22nd February, 2010 – Use Your Feminine Power ... not YOU Mister, I'm Talking to Her!
DEAR DIARY, my friend Mel said to me that when he comes back to earth in another life, he wants to be a woman because women have so much power.
Me and Mel became friends after a bit of trouble. Many moons ago, he told me he fancied me. I told my brothers and they decided to hunt him down and beat him up. When my brothers turned up at Mel's house flexing muscles, they got side-tracked by Mel's six beautiful sisters. Within seconds, their testosterone decided love not war! Three of Mel's sisters still wanted to fight and the other three insisted on heavy petting. Me and Mel decided to leave them to it. We ran off to the park to play basketball.
13th February, 2010 – Cupid, Put Your Bow Down!
DEAR DIARY, an old flame has asked me if I'd like to go out on a date tomorrow to celebrate Valentine's Day. As far as I'm concerned, an ex is an ex for a reason! This particular ex is an ex because we don't get along on any level whatsoever.
2nd February, 2010 – Mary J Cougar
DEAR DIARY, I met my friend Mary Jane on Friday at the hairdressers. We were getting spruced up because we were going to the Shaftesbury Theatre to see Hairspray the Musical later on that evening because her new boyfriend is one of the dancers. Getting our hair done before going to see Hairspray just seemed appropriate!
Mary and I met many years ago when I temped at her office. We hit it off and we've been firm friends ever since. We've gone on holiday together, worked together since our first office encounter and we meet up to touch base on a regular basis.
12th January, 2010 – I Hope She Can Forgive Me, But I Could Never Forgive Her
DEAR DIARY, my very dear friend Simon has gotten himself into a spot of bother. I say a spot of bother, but that's a major understatement. Simon's been a lady's man for as long as I've known him and I met Simon when I was still wearing ribbons in my hair and white ankle socks.
5th January, 2010 – How Do I Make You Feel?
DEAR DIARY, my mother said to me yesterday that she spent some time with Penelope, an old friend of hers but whenever she spends time with Penelope, she's left feeling depressed. My mother said that Penelope's always moaning, she's aggressive, she's got a thousand ailments, nothing's ever good enough, ordinary events are a big disaster, her glass is always half empty and when she leaves Penelope's house, she feels depressed and can't shake the feeling for hours.
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