The August Mayfield Diaries

Does My Bum Look Big in This?

I Bloody Well Hope So!

I'm wearing my bright pink bottom-hugging jeans today for the express purpose of enhancing the shape, definition and curves of my behind! The term BOOTYLICIOUS is a positive word! Destiny's Child did curvy women a massive favour by creating such a wonderfully expressive term! According to Beyoncé, the definition of the word bootylicious is beautiful, bountiful and bouncible. How fab!

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Dear Santa

How NOT to get into Santa's good books...

The August Mayfield Diaries

The Day I Killed My Dad

For the first time in my life I was offered cocaine yesterday at an exclusive nightclub. It was after the sit-down part of my work Christmas party and I can't tell you how shocked I was. Firstly, I didn't know Charlie was a druggie and secondly, he's in a senior position at work and I thought a move like that to the wrong person would jeopardise his job. It also made me think why me? But the whys and wherefores are not all that important. I just made sure I said nope and kept my distance for the remainder of the night.

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The August Mayfield Diaries

Banana Custard

I had a fruit salad this afternoon and it reminded me of when I first started primary school in the 70's, if you lived close enough to school, you could go home for lunch which is something I used to do.

When my mum returned to work, I had to have school dinners. I was outraged. Initially, I ate like a sparrow. One green pea, one nugget of beef from the stake and kidney pie, a spoon full of jelly and a sip of water but I soon had a fight with hunger pangs and it won so decided to eat and resign from my unofficial hunger strike.

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