A Slap in the Face!

I stole a two hour lunch break yesterday. Considering it was a Sunday, I figured I deserved an extra hour on my lunch hour so I decided to go down the shops for a bit of window shopping.

I have a love-hate affair with window shopping. I see all the things I want to buy and I hate it, but I love it because I don’t spend a penny which is all good.

In my former life, I think I was a Magpie because I’m always drawn to bright shiny things. So you can imagine I was in my element heading for the shops to see all the fabulous colours of the Spring/Summer collection. Yellow handbags, orange shoes, red dresses, floral blouses and jewellery galore.

I decided to take a shortcut to the High street but lost my way and ended up down a pathway. It wasn’t exactly a dodgy alley-way but I wouldn't want to venture down there by myself on a dark night.

Saw a couple walking together so I felt safe. As I got closer, I noticed that they were in the middle of an argument. The man was grabbing the woman’s wrist and she was pushing him away and then I heard “CLAP”. The man gave her a full open-handed slap in the mouth... and then they saw me.

I glared right in the man's face and stared him down. He must have thought he could intimidate me by flaring his nostrils at me. I said to myself "if he thinks he’s gonna slap me, he’s going to find himself dazed and confused with a knot on his head" and cut my eye off him. Trampy cowardly b*stard!

I carried on walking in shock. What the hell did he think he was doing in broad daylight? I then saw the window of the Oasis store and forgot about the fighting couple because I was mesmerised by a blue dress on a mannequin. I ran across the road like my life depended on it and started salivating.


Stolen lunch break was over so I headed back to work but I took the nosey route back down the pathway where I saw the wife beater. I couldn’t help wondering what happened next. Well you could have knocked me down with a feather! They were locked together... slurping each other's faces off like it was their last day on earth!

All I know is I should have reached out and slapped the woman my damn self. God only knows what he gets for giving her a black eye; a feel inside her bra? Maybe if he throws her down the stairs he gets to have sex.

I should have given her my business card...