The Pessary and the Panty-Pudding
It's with much regret that I have to relay this story and relay it I will because I want this story to be a lesson to women who treat their boyfriends like their mother, daughter, girlfriend, sister or a big girl's blouse.
Let me make it very clear: treat your man like a man otherwise you're going to come unstuck.
My friend Max told me and our other friend Jess that she gets her boyfriend to apply (I'll use the word apply in this instance)... she gets her boyfriend to apply her pessary when she's got thrush. Well Jesus take the wheel!
Oh, I forgot to add this warning earlier. Men, look away now. Close this web-site, shut this window and open some porn, do your internet banking, do anything but read this. It'll make you vomit.
Anyway, where was I? I remember. Max got her boyfriend to apply her Thrush Pessary and what do you think happened? They broke up within two days. It took two days for him to accuse Max of hood-winking him into helping her clear up what he called her STD! It took him two days to recognise that he was turning into a Best Girlfriend as opposed to the Sexual Love God he thought he was and it took him two days to become mentally disturbed at the sight of her foaming Va-Ja-Jay.
He packed his bags and he left.
What the hell was she thinking? Men must NEVER know if you have thrush. It's none of their business. Don't try to explain it; you might as well be speaking Latin; and please of all things, don't ask him how to help you cure it. That's what girls are for.
Max went on to tell me and Jess that she held face-to-face conversations with him
while she was on toilet duty. She made him check her breasts for cancerous lumps. She would send him to the shops for sanitary items. He painted her toe nails and went lingerie shopping with her. What did she think she was working with; Mr and Miss J from America's Next Top Model?
Me and Jess both said that in the future, Max is to draw up a list of what she thinks is appropriate in a boyfriend/girlfriend situation and we'll get out a big red pen and some Tippex to edit it because she obviously needs a narrow road to work with because right now, her pavement's too wide.
Let me make it very clear: treat your man like a man otherwise you're going to come unstuck.My friend Max told me and our other friend Jess that she gets her boyfriend to apply (I'll use the word apply in this instance)... she gets her boyfriend to apply her pessary when she's got thrush. Well Jesus take the wheel!
Oh, I forgot to add this warning earlier. Men, look away now. Close this web-site, shut this window and open some porn, do your internet banking, do anything but read this. It'll make you vomit.
Anyway, where was I? I remember. Max got her boyfriend to apply her Thrush Pessary and what do you think happened? They broke up within two days. It took two days for him to accuse Max of hood-winking him into helping her clear up what he called her STD! It took him two days to recognise that he was turning into a Best Girlfriend as opposed to the Sexual Love God he thought he was and it took him two days to become mentally disturbed at the sight of her foaming Va-Ja-Jay.He packed his bags and he left.
What the hell was she thinking? Men must NEVER know if you have thrush. It's none of their business. Don't try to explain it; you might as well be speaking Latin; and please of all things, don't ask him how to help you cure it. That's what girls are for.Max went on to tell me and Jess that she held face-to-face conversations with him
while she was on toilet duty. She made him check her breasts for cancerous lumps. She would send him to the shops for sanitary items. He painted her toe nails and went lingerie shopping with her. What did she think she was working with; Mr and Miss J from America's Next Top Model?Me and Jess both said that in the future, Max is to draw up a list of what she thinks is appropriate in a boyfriend/girlfriend situation and we'll get out a big red pen and some Tippex to edit it because she obviously needs a narrow road to work with because right now, her pavement's too wide.
posted by August Mayfield at
15:06
4 Comments:
Hello there August
Well I think Max is absolutely right, your partner is supposed to be able to do everything and anything for you, just like the saying; once a man twice a child when she will one day have to wipe his ass because he can't wipe it himself.
Well that's just my opinion, love Max! haha x.
Max AKA Anonymous, please don't let me have to call your work place and tell your manager that you're reading Blogs instead of working!
See you soon, August xx
My husband insists on doing everything with the bath-room door open including number 2's & I'm alright with it. On the other hand he's never heard me fart. He never see's me without my hair extensions. He's never seen me shave ANYTHING and he was at the top end at the birth of our little Ben. I think the jurys split on this one b'cos some woman think it's alright for men to be included in everything and some women don't. I don't mind seeing everything but I don't want my husband to see everything of mine.
Bev
So so funny! I love your writing style.
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