And he said to me...

...I don't know why the devil you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it!
I said to him you wear pants don't you?

He said to me shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said to him that's a good idea - you stand by the cooker and the sink while I sit on the sofa scratching my arse.

He said to me what have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat son-of-a-bitch!

He said to me why don't women blink during sex?
I said to him I wish we could but we don't have time!

He said to me how many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him I don't know; it's never ever happened before.

He said to me what do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said to him 'A Widow'.

He said to me why are married women fatter than single women?
I said to him single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Men... can't live with them... you know the rest!