Mug me now you son of a b****!

Two years ago, a little homeless puppy came visiting via my son's friend. He was adorable but there was no room in our Inn. I already had my hands full with two teenagers and more jobs than a sensible person should have, but this little creature kept following me around the house. He was fetching my slippers, crying when I left him alone and he was very happy to eat all the Caribbean dinners that my Westernised children looked at and said "oh no... not again".

He barked at strangers, played with children and slept by the foot of my bed so by the time he was two months old, we were inseparable! It took me 6 months to tell my Jamaican parents that I actually kept a dog in the house because as far as they were concerned, dogs were meant for staying outside and murdering people who came into the yard!

Today, it was cold, rainy and I was tired from working too many hours. I already decided that I wasn't going to walk the dog but he got his lead from the box and stayed by the front door for an hour and a half. I got fed up of seeing his miserable face so decided to walk him despite telling myself that I'm the pack leader!

We went to our usual spot in the common and I let him off lead to do what he usually does. While I stood there looking at the moon and stars, someone crept up to me and said "give me your bag". The only thing I had was a doggy poo bag and some doggy treats. Immediately, I knew I had to teach this foul boy a lesson. So I said I haven't got much and then stuck four fingers in my mouth and wolf-whistled for the dog. Well Baxter charged like a bull - completely ignoring me but aiming squarely for my new companion.

When I turned around to say to my would be mugger "mug me now b*tch" he was gone. Vanished!

Shame really, my dog looks like a monster but he loves to play and would have only licked the mugger to death! Well let that be a lesson to him anyway. Thieving son of a b*tch.