You’re under arrest for singing!

I was stopped by the police this morning. I won’t lie to you. I wasn’t arrested but if Bad Cop had his way, I’d be finger printed and taking a mug shot right now. I saw the lights flashing on the police car and pulled over to let them through and low and behold they gestured for me to stop. I couldn’t believe it. Good thing I wasn’t putting on my mascara or painting my nails!

The police said they’re stopping me for being on the mobile phone.

I wasn’t on the phone. My phone was in my handbag, but it was obvious that the police were going to hold up the traffic and try to embarrass me into admitting that I was in fact on the phone when I wasn’t.

Good Cop asked me if I knew that it was an offense to use a mobile phone while driving and I said yes. Bad Cop then said well it’s a bit idiotic for you to be on the phone then isn’t it madam. I said to Bad Cop it’s presumptuous of you to think I was on the phone when I wasn’t and when you’re talking about idiots, you ought to address yourself because you’re going to find at the end of this conversation that the only idiot here is you. (I like to take the indignant stance when I know I’m right!)

The police took my details and had me standing in the rain asking dumb-arse questions. Good Cop then said we saw you talking in an animated way. I said I was singing. I always sing in the car so yes you might have seen my lips moving but I wasn’t on the phone. Bad Cop said to me what were you singing? Myself and Good Cop looked at Bad Cop as if he was bonkers. I said to Bad Cop ARE YOU SERIOUS? You’re joking... right? He laughed realising how stupid his question was. I said look. My phone’s in my bag. I sing when I’m driving. I wasn’t on the phone. It's pouring with rain and I’m getting wet. Have you got any more questions because I need to go now. Good Cop apologised and I gave Bad Cop the dirtiest look my eyes could manage and I got back in the car not feeling very much like singing anymore.

Maybe it’s a good thing they didn’t hear me singing because my voice is an arrestable offence! Back in the day when I used to try to sing my babies to sleep, they'd stay awake laughing their little heads off!