The Lottery Slogan Says "It Could be You"!

Well it will be me one day, but God's just waiting for me to be in the frame of mind where I won't spend the money on a six week alcohol-fuelled bender and sniff, snort and inject my way into rehab.

But all joking aside, if I won the National Lottery or the Euro Millions, I wouldn't be like the lucky winner Les Scadding who won £45m on the Euro Millions. Oh hell no. There'd be no photograph of me clutching a cheque the size of a coffee table. I'd never go public. They say you should never say never. Well never, never, never, never, never! I'd rather die.

I'd go missing. Up & leave! Gone! Vanish! Disappear without a second look.

In fact, one of my friends or a member of my family would probably turn up at my house and they'd see that the TV was still on, the kettle had just boiled. There'd be washing going around in the washing machine. The light would probably be on in the hallway and the bath-water would be over-flowing.

My slippers, still warm, would be right in the middle of the living room like I just stepped out of them and the front door would be wide open. I wouldn't even pack a suit case. I'd disappear off the face of Britain like a ghost without a letter of au revoir.

Meanwhile, I'd be off buying an Island like Richard Branson's Necker Island and I'd build a grown-ups 'playground' with the help of some hot construction workers, preferably in their 20s! It would be a new Kingdom in the middle of the sea. August Island - it would be The New Monte-Carlo, but it would be cool & funky; not for uptight A-holes with too much money and no sense of fun.

I haven't thought out all the finer details obviously, but this is just a guideline so that I'm clear about what I'm going to do when the time comes.

So indeed, one day 'It could be me'!