Find me the Shoe Whisperer
My shoes are killing me and it’s only 11 o’clock in the morning!
I wore a new pair of new shoes to work today. Well these sons-of-b*tches should have been broken-in like a wild horse.
I need the Shoe Whisperer! Someone to tame them, soften them and sooth them into not behaving like they’re trying to eat my feet with crocodile teeth.
Why is it that all beautiful things seem to give the most trouble?
Beautiful women = the world owes them a favour
Beautiful men = well... wild horses. They need a Man Whisperer
Beautiful children = spoilt
Beautiful flowers = stick you with their thorns
Beautiful countries = expensive, romantic, heart-breaking; tragic - wish I never left South London in the first place!
Beautiful food = makes you fat
Beautiful champagne = nothing wrong with that!!
Beautiful jewellery = you’re just a mugging waiting to happen
Beautiful hairstyles = high maintenance
Beautiful handbags = £1,000 a piece
Beautiful music = either makes you want to dance even when you can’t dance or makes you want to cry and ruins your mascara
Beautiful shoes = full of invisible crocodile teeth
Maybe I ought to invest in some corrective orthopaedic shoes. You know the kind of shoes that make you say “aahhhh” and do a little wee in your pants when you put them on.
That way I can walk around town without my dogs barking. After all, it’s not a pretty look to wince every step you make.
What’s a girl to do? Wear come to bed shoes or special needs shoes?
I wore a new pair of new shoes to work today. Well these sons-of-b*tches should have been broken-in like a wild horse.I need the Shoe Whisperer! Someone to tame them, soften them and sooth them into not behaving like they’re trying to eat my feet with crocodile teeth.
Why is it that all beautiful things seem to give the most trouble?
Beautiful women = the world owes them a favour
Beautiful men = well... wild horses. They need a Man Whisperer
Beautiful children = spoilt
Beautiful flowers = stick you with their thorns
Beautiful countries = expensive, romantic, heart-breaking; tragic - wish I never left South London in the first place!
Beautiful food = makes you fat
Beautiful champagne = nothing wrong with that!!
Beautiful jewellery = you’re just a mugging waiting to happen
Beautiful hairstyles = high maintenance
Beautiful handbags = £1,000 a piece
Beautiful music = either makes you want to dance even when you can’t dance or makes you want to cry and ruins your mascara
Beautiful shoes = full of invisible crocodile teeth
Maybe I ought to invest in some corrective orthopaedic shoes. You know the kind of shoes that make you say “aahhhh” and do a little wee in your pants when you put them on.That way I can walk around town without my dogs barking. After all, it’s not a pretty look to wince every step you make.
What’s a girl to do? Wear come to bed shoes or special needs shoes?Why oh why is looking like a hot sensuous mama so painful?
posted by August Mayfield at
11:00
8 Comments:
Hello August
I wear high shoes ALL the time. ALL day long. Weekdays, weekends, on the concrete, sand and grass. My heels are like my emotional crutch. But between me and you, I'd kill to be happy in a pair of orthapedic shoes. But somehow, I think that I prefer pain over the pleasure of funny looking shoes.
Jen
High heels are a crime. But I'm happy being a criminal. ARREST ME OFFICER!
LOL Mahogany I'm with you there love.
I only wear high heels at the weekend and even then there a killer but I'd rather bear the pain over flat shoes anyday.
Dawn
Flat shoes can still look cute, I am 'only' 5ft tall and I still don't bother to wear high heels; I walk tall enough ladies!
Rose
Flat shoes are cute - heels are sexy.
Who invented the bloody things in the first place?
I wish I did I'd be rich rich rich now lol.
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