Are you telling me or do you want me to tell you?

It's just gone eleven in the morning and one of guys at work has presumptuously asked me if I can produce some work for him. He then went on to say it's a pretty simple task and it won't take long. If fact it's so simple, it won't take any time at all!

Unfortunately, it's not in my Contract to say if it's so frigging simple, why don't you do it yourself?

Nor is it in my Contract to say can't you see it's Monday morning and I've got emails to reply to, my nail polish is chipped and I need to re-apply some colour. Also, I've only half eaten my bagel and I can't work when I'm hungry and if it won't take long, why don't you do it yourself?

Another clause that's not in my Contract is didn't you see my face when you approached my desk with your handful of foolishness and your ugly brown tie? The face said STAY AWAY, I'm not in the mood to work right now.

But oh no... I'm a member of staff. An employee. I'm paid to work.

Mr Brown-Tie's lucky that I'm leaving the office at 3 o'clock today. The thought of leaving early has me in a good mood! Good enough to smile and nod and appear compliant. I told him that it'll be done in no time.

What I really meant was listen Brown-Tie, I like to ease myself into work at about lunchtime... and if you were round my way, I'd tell you to one or two words that might lead to a disciplinary.

Mondays!! If I were Queen of England, we'd all start work on a Tuesday.