Who you calling Grand-Daddy?

My friend David's going to be a granddad. He's only 41 and he's vex, vex, VEX to the highest point of vextivity!! His daughter's just turned 16 and has left her father's heart broken with the news of her pregnancy, but eggs & sperm couldn't give a sh*t about age. When Mr Sperm's ready to meet Mrs Egg, nothing in the world can stop it from happening - nothing. Not financial circumstances, living conditions, personal drama, age, race, religion, timing - NOTHING whatsoever. So it's grand-daddy time from where I'm standing!

Me and David then got on to the subject of our first kiss and how old we were and what it felt like at the time. David was 12 and his kissing partner was 15. He said she was cold, clinical and kept flicking out her tongue like a reptile. He's convinced she learned her technique from porn movies.

My first kiss wasn't much better than David's. The boy concerned nearly took my head off. I swear he was trying to swallow my head whole. It was the most gruesome attack of the lips I've ever had. He even drew blood. Obviously he didn't know what the hell he was doing and all I knew was the experience was traumatic. In fact, that first kiss did more for me than any lecture my dad ever gave me about boys. I stayed well away from anyone offering me their lips for years.

The first time I experienced a "real" passionate kiss, I was totally bewildered. Instead of pain & shame, I got butterflies in the pit of my stomach... not what I was expecting at all. Just thinking about it gives me butterflies all over again. I thought this is wonderful, but when's he gonna attack me with his teeth?